Too Much and Never Enough: How my family created the world’s most dangerous man
by Mary L. Trump PhD
Update after election: Interview with Katie Couric
https://katiecouric.com/video/katie-talks-to/mary-trump-on-her-uncles-loss/
I listened to the book over a two-day period and found it to be a compelling story of the Trump family and the influences on individual family members, particularly Donald Trump. The author, Donald’s niece, is a psychologist, and I felt she wrote with a professional eye on a very personal narrative. It’s part “Mommy Dearest” (the author and her immediate family did not get a share in the family fortune; I hope she makes a bundle from this book…) and part horror story about how family dynamics created a person who tells lies about all manner of facts, large and small, and refuses to acknowledge the truth, even when confronted, to the detriment of an entire country and beyond.
This book is a family history going back to the late 1800’s with Friedrich Trump (“Friedrich”) in Bavaria, now part of Germany, the family name having been changed from Drumpf at some point. Friedrich moved to the US, changed his name to “Frederick” and became an American citizen. In 1901, he returned home to find a bride and married Elizabeth Christ. At a certain point, they attempted to return to Bavaria, but were sent back to the US because Friedrich hadn’t served in the military (and apparently left the country to avoid doing so). They had 3 children, including Frederick Trump (“Fred” father to Donald Trump). Friedrich died suddenly on May 30, 2018 of influenza during the 1918 influenza pandemic.
In 1929, Mary Anne McLeod (“Mary”) came to the US from Scotland to visit a couple of her sisters who had already moved to NYC. She met Fred at a party, and they married in January 1936. Mary finally became a US citizen in 1942. They had 5 children: Maryanne Trump Barry (1937), followed by Frederick Christ Trump Jr. (1938–1981 the author’s father), Elizabeth Trump Grau (1942), Donald Trump (1946), and Robert Trump (1948).
The author’s narrative covers the relationships of Fred and Mary’s children with each other and their parents from her inside view of the family. She describes her own life and that of her father in some detail. Her father was Frederick Christ Trump Jr. (“Freddie”) and her mother is Linda Lee Clapp. Her father was a pilot and worked for TWA for a very short time. He also worked for the family business on several occasions. Her mother was a flight attendant until her marriage. The author has one sibling, a brother, Frederick Christ Trump III.
The author’s father, Freddie, was deeply affected by his father’s negative opinion of him. Fred found Freddie to be weak and didn’t feel Freddie could be effective in business. Freddie seems to have enjoyed his time at school and had lots of friends. He learned to fly a plane and had a boat to take friends out for fishing, both of which he enjoyed. Freddie met and married the author’s mother against the wishes of his parents. He attempted to separate himself at various times, to break free of the gravitational pull of the family and his father, but he had become an alcoholic and was not able to sustain a lifestyle of independence. He had some menial jobs in the Trump enterprise after that short period of independence and eventually returned to his parents’ home to convalesce due to illness. The author would go there to visit him and was turned away by her grandmother the last time she went, days before Freddie died.
Each member of the family responded differently to the parenting approach by Fred and Mary. Mary was primarily responsible for the care of the children, but Fred held the power in the family. Certain behavior was rewarded and certain behavior was punished, but the gravitational pull was very strong, even when the children were adults. Over and above what happens to children growing up in a family with issues, it is a cautionary tale as to how wealth, and the promise of wealth, can create a destructive dynamic.
While Fred was still alive and in his prime, the children and grandchildren would go to Fred and Mary to obtain financing for things like schooling. If they wanted to go to a school other than the one “approved” by Fred and Mary, the money would not be forthcoming. The author relates how properties were moved into various trusts so that they were no longer part of what would eventually become Fred’s estate.
Freddie’s estate was very limited, leaving little in the way of resources for the family. After his death, the author, her brother and mother (who was divorced from Freddie by that time) were basically ignored by the rest of the family. The author and her brother brought a lawsuit against the estate. Ultimately, although they obtained financial information about the family’s assets, they settled the suit for a small sum of money, in comparison to what the family (minus the author and her brother) got when most of the business was sold for hundreds of millions of dollars.
The book goes on to relate Donald’s various business activities and how they were supported by Fred, although Donald claims he only got a $1 million dollar loan from his father.
The Donald
According to the book, Donald was out of control from a very early age. Mary (Donald’s mother) declared him to be uncontrollable, but his behavior was rewarded by Fred. He was the child who would do something mean and get pleasure from the negative reaction to the behavior. He learned at an early age that his father would tolerate and even encourage lying and cheating, viewing it as a strength. Fred saw it as a characteristic that would put Donald at an advantage in business.
Donald was sent to a military school because his mother could not manage his behavior, which was very disruptive to the family. At school, he learned how to keep himself out of serious trouble, and he was even popular there in a way that bullies often can be. Most importantly, he didn’t care what others thought of him. He believed from his father that being nice or kind was a sign of weakness.
Donald started university at Fordham but switched to the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania. In order to get in, as the story goes, he paid someone to take the entry exam. When Donald graduated, he went to work for Fred. Eventually, leveraging off of the Trump empire, he expanded to New York City and even New Jersey. His basic approach never changed, however. He felt he could do whatever he wanted in the business transactions, regardless of the results to others.
So, my observations about specific points currently under discussion:
- Chain migration? We have here a family filled with chain migration when it worked for them, but now The Donald is trying to prevent families from being together. We’re talking about his mother (who followed her sisters over) all the way to Melania (followed over by her parents).
- Send DACA recipients or anyone else back where they came from?? When his grandfather got fed up with the US and tried to go back to his country of origin, they sent him back to the US because he was a draft dodger. Maybe trying to send people back to their country of origin doesn’t work very well? And still, The Donald persists in wanting to send adults who were children when they came here back to their countries of birth.
- The Donald’s lying. What’s that about?? According to the author, when The Donald lied as a child, he was rewarded with this father’s approval. That’s the kind of leadership daddy dearest wanted in his organization, not the weakling son who bore his name. So lying was strength. In essence, make your own truth and force people to accept it. Then, double down.
Interesting op-ed piece by George Conway, none other than the current husband of Kellyanne. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2020/05/06/george-conway-trump-lashed-out-me-twitter-its-because-he-knows-truth/