This is a book for our times, both as Seniors and as we go through the changes in our lives caused by the COVID-19 pandemic. I first glanced at this book in 1987, when I was in my early 40’s. A friend of mine had asked me to buy it for her and bring it back to Paris, where we were both living at the time.
The only thing I registered from the book at the time was the following:
“So in the end, the homeward journey of life’s second half demands three things: First, that we unlearn the style of mastering the world that we used to take us through the first half of life; second, that we resist our own longings to abandon the developmental journey and refuse the invitations to stay forever at some attractive stopping place; and third, that we recognize that it will take real effort to regain the inner ‘home’.”
I wrote this quote down as I sat on the airplane and put the book with the others in my luggage. I carried it with me and thought about what it meant to me whenever I ran across it among my journals and scraps of saved notes. I couldn’t remember the name or author of the book, and my friend had forgotten it entirely when I asked her about it many years later. I was at a dead end but I knew I was now ready to hear what the author had to say.
Last year while “minimizing”, I ran into the quote in my box of “stuff” and decided to search the internet to see if I could find the source. Within 5 minutes, I had the quote exactly as I had written it down over 30 years ago and the name of the book! It’s not that lengthy a book, but I took my time reading it, finishing it just last week. It took me at least 2 weeks to finish the last 5 pages, because there was a lot going on…
Here’s the thing, when I first read the quote, I was in the process of transitioning from Wall Street Attorney to, well, something else but I didn’t know what. I definitely had to resist my longing to abandon the developmental journey and to refuse the invitation to stay “forever” at that very “attractive stopping place” called Paris, France!!
I tried to make a life work there, although I had two beautiful daughters waiting for me to come home. None of my “tricks” for mastering the world were working at that time, either. Nobody cared that I had been a very successful attorney in New York. When I finally ran out of money, it was definitely time to do something else.
But I hadn’t read the book, so I didn’t really know what was going on!!
Although the book addresses individuals of different ages, as the quote suggests it’s really a book to assist with life’s “second half” as we go about changing from being the “up and coming” potential of our lives to shifting (or pivoting, in 2020 lingo) to what we want to do with our last half of life.
The book describes three phases: Endings, The Neutral Zone, and The New Beginnings.
For seniors, Endings can seem pretty grim, as we remember our past and what we feel like we’re giving up. Retirement – are you kidding me?? Maybe we’re going into a senior residence and are being forced to minimize, against our will. Nothing seems right. All the potential in life seems missing. We can’t remember what we wanted to do when we didn’t have time to do it. Or we don’t have the energy. Or we feel like nobody wants us to do what we were so successful at before. And we don’t want to hang out with those “old people” that we’ve become.
You’re in the neutral zone, kiddo! And you cannot bring it to a close by wishing it away.
Here’s what the author says to do in the Neutral Zone: (1) surrender; (2) acceptance (that you need this time); (3) find a regular time and place to be alone; (4) begin a log of neutral zone experiences – maybe write an autobiography??? (The author’s idea…don’t shoot the messenger.); (5) Think of what would be unlived in your life if it ended today, and (6) take a few days to go on your own version of a “passage journey” (author is referring to some cultures that encourage or mandate a process of passage from one time in life to another by having the individual isolate themselves).
Just read the book. There’s a lot more…and maybe you would benefit from a Life Coach!